I think I took the date-decline well. I talked to Dina and I-forgot-her-name at the intermission; it was neat. I know a lot of real neat people.
Today Izzy gave a devotional that touched me because it went along with the lesson, “Inasmuch as ye do it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye do it unto me.” And she challenged us to choose someone each week to help in simple ways. I thanked her twice today. This was very similar to a challenge we got from a returned missionary a while ago.
I had some fun at school today; [I] went to two Seminaries: 1st and 7th. [I] haven’t seen Dina since Thursday or something like that. (It’s 11:30; I got to work at 9:30; I waste time too much.) I got my grades on SAT; my grades went down from 3.3 to 2.7. My job really made them go down in Math; already it’s down at a C+. That’s what I usually start at; then it goes up. When the tests get handed back, my grades [had] better not be lower than 3.0 this last term. Only two lines left [on this page] so I think I’ll just put it away so I can go to sleep.
Today I gave the devotional. It took about ten or more minutes; everyone was intentive. It was weird because it was long, so the lesson was shortened. When I walked in, the chairs were arranged differently. I thought Bro. Shoell needs some time and I knew he’d say, “Take as much time as you want,” so I did, regretably. It was kind of good, I guess.
I’ve decided not to go to the Senior Prom. Mom is mad at James because he won’t get some nice shoes. His girl will get a nice dress and he’ll be in these moccasins with holes in them.
I worked today 3–8; work’s getting easier all the time. Tomorrow I’m going to go over some things with Dr. Pond and get a solo for the McDonalds Band.
Today apparently Jeanette got all this pressure built up in her and exploded. I knocked some of her pudding on the floor and so I said after a while when she came in and saw it while I was on the phone, “I’ll clean it up.” So she got real mad and hit me and so Mom goes, “That was uncalled-for” and she ran downstairs. Apparently she hasn’t been getting enough attention or something. It’s like (from her [perspective]): Mom calls her stupid and they can’t talk and she always talks about how she doesn’t get grades as good as Joanna, and it’s just been building up forever. None of it’s really true. Maybe she’s just magnifying it lots. I now have to stop teasing her or it’ll just get worse. If we ever brought it up again or anything (tease her or anything), she would probably just explode again.
My back is doing worse; it’s hurting now more and more right where it hurt before, I think, almost positive. I’m always in a good happy mood; I hope I stay that way always and forever.
The Seminary Council was picked a while ago, I guess, but we found out about it Monday. The president is in my class: Stephen Zobell; a real neat guy. I didn’t know that we had to submit our name if we wanted to be on it, so I didn’t. I thought, after they’d been picked, that I would like to be on it. Earlier (weeks) I felt the same way (I think it was around when they were picking) I did when I was picked to be the Vice President at the first of this term and now I’m the president. I’m going to tell Steve that I would sure like to help out with Seminary things whenever he needs someone. I have a feeling that I’m going to be popular this next year; not for anything in particular that I do, but what I am and what I stand for and my personality. I’m noticing that my back is getting worse and also my knees. I think that I’m going to be able to teach and help people in another way. You don’t have to be on the Seminary Council to be great. I think Heavenly Father is pretty pleased with the way that I’m living my life. But still other people are better — that’s okay [with me] — I respect them deeply.
At 8:00 today I went up to Scouts. We’ve got some good firm leadership now — not saying Steve was bad — but Bro. May is going to be a great leader for us, I think.
Brinda White came by with the Seminary Dance pictures; they weren’t half bad. I see Dina about every day at lunch; then on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I don’t have Band so I go over to Seminary and have a jolly-good time. I think that the Seniors in that class are real neat, so I guess that’s why I like to go there. Also, maybe that’s why my attitudes toward things have been changing.
I put some pictures up in my room and hope to get some up so my whole room is covered; that would be neat.
Our car has been in the shop yesterday and now it’ll be in for a long time yet. Probably from the bad gas that I put in — three gallons from 7–11.
School’s out. I thought I was going to fail German, but I got a B in it instead. I missed Dina signing my yearbook, so she didn’t. I was going to call her but haven’t yet. I’ve seriously been thinking about asking her out, but I have to think of a neat way to ask her out.
I’ve decided to run for Senior Class V.P. so that will take some time. Also, I’ve gotten interested in the Army National Guard. In August I’ll go to the recruiter station and talk to him about it, if I decide to go that way — September ’86 enroll, go once a month. Then after school go to basic, then job training, then September ’88 go on a mission, then come back and have a job, then until I’m 25 go once a month, then we’ll see. Also I’ll get married somewhere in there — ’90–’95.
Meanwhile up at Smiths my job has been improving. A lot of the checkers have told me that they think I’m one of the best baggers. The only thing is, I don’t think that Doug thinks so. And that’s the hard part about the job.
I haven’t seen Dina in about a week plus; but I still think that she’s the greatest.
Sunday, October 12, 1986:
It’s been longer than I thought; since June I’ve done a lot!
This Summer I water skied all over Willard Bay, Pineview and Lake Powell.
Also the Wind Rivers are spectacular.
School started and I’m up to my elbows in homework. I’m taking (as a Senior) English IV, Algebra 3.4, Anatomy-Physiology, SMH tutoring, A[dvanced] P[lacement] Music Theory, German II, Symphonic Band (Orchestra), and Seminary. In Seminary Vaughn Spendlove, a good friend of mine, is the President; I’m the Vice President. Ann Raybould is the Devotional V.P. and Heidi —— is the Secretary and we’re being taught by Sister Farr. This recruiter thing’s gone on a bit farther, but I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I seriously have to think and pray about it more.
Last Tuesday I gave Jack Phillips (Smiths manager) my two-weeks notice and yesterday, four days after, was my last day. It was quite a shock to some of the managers. It was really sad to leave — just after eight months. I have some great references now; John Tibits said (a while ago) that I was the most hard-working and best bagger. Also Steve said, “Come back any time and we’ll give you a job.” I’ll be working for my dad at the library doing genealogy; I start maybe Thursday or Saturday.
The musical is coming up. I play first clarinet and really don’t know my part. Next week are the performances.
This Summer I experenced kind of a falling-short sort of thing in the Church: not activeness as in coming, but just maybe my attitude or the way I felt about certain things lately — I’ve been changing drastically, except for one aspect of my life. I don’t know what the Spirit feels like to me. When we have testimony meetings at Seminary or with friends (but not at Church), I lots of times start to cry. On September 27 there was a leadership conference that the seminary had for leaders and at the testimony meeting a fellow by the name of Bob Beers talked for a while. And nothing at the conference touched me, not even when Brother David Christiansen said that he felt the Spirit strongly. I didn’t know what I felt. It’s real strange. I’ll be able to tell when the Spirit is with me. About Bob: something made me choke; then I had to stand up and say a few words.
In Sunday School today I found out a few things about me (good, don’t worry too much). We didn’t have a teacher and I kind of decided that I was going to teach and it got asked by the head guy [Sunday School Superintendant] and so I had a discussion on the Holy Ghost. And if you had a dime for every good and lost a nickel for every bad, would you be rich or poor? — as “It’s a Wonderful Life” And the Beatitudes. I found out that the people in my Sunday School class are the most interesting, neat people. I love them so much and respect them for how much maturity they have. Also I am (not meaning to be unhumble) a good teacher — that’s what Julia May said. Before I started the head man (I wish I knew his name because he’s such a neat guy) asked if it was all right with everyone if I taught and with smiles and such they all said yes. And I feel that I’m gaining the respect of many people. Also it was commented that I give very interesting and good talks. I have a feeling that with more of the right training and such I could go way far as a teacher. My Patriarchal Blessing says tht I will become a strong and forceful teacher in Zion. This is one learning experience (of many yet to come) that I have had. I hope I don’t seem too proud or boastful. I’ve got these talents and need to exercise them and use them — utilize them as my blessing states. I’m surrounded by such great people that it just rubs off on to me, I guess. I have to put Ron in here [this category] — he’s a great guy.
In September I got a scooter, a Honda Areo 125. And yesterday, not even a month after I got it, 150 miles, it stalled and won’t start again. I’m going to have to get it checked out. It’s not new; it’s used, so it has 5000+ miles on it, but should still get lots more.
I’ve also been chosen to be the Senior Patrol Leader, but now Gary May wants me to be the Junior Assistant Scout Master. I’m a Life Scout, working towards Eagle. But how hard? I want to get things moving along now.
The reason I started writing again is Ron gave a lesson on it and this neat experience I had in Sunday School today (well, now it was yesterday, though).
At least we were supposed to have a scout meeting and I called everyone and told them and the leader never showed, so we played around for a while. Then some guys went home and me, Jerry and Ryan stayed and looked for Ryan’s keys. Then I went to play some basketball with Dylan and a bunch of his friends. It was pretty fun; I got two huge blisters on my feet. What I didn’t like about playing basketball with them was that almost all (if not all) of them swear constantly, and that doesn’t make me feel that great. Jay was up there and I think maybe he got the idea that swearing is cool. I have to remember to tell him that it isn’t and maybe discuss it with him.
I’ve got a chance to be in a movie with Steven Spielberg as an extra. (I’ll be the extra, not him.) I think it’ll be real fun. I’ll get the application from Julia May tomorrow and take a picture with me. It should be lots of fun.
Parent-teacher conferences were today and I was reminded that I’m in a little German Band (a foursome) and maybe I’ll practice it sometime.
Thursday, February 5, 1987:
Today I suffered my worst loss in my entire life.
The worst thing that’s happened to me in my life.
Wrestling is my whole life!
This being my Senior year was going to be the best.
Well, it wasn’t.
I guess it was, if you count my other two years.
I was going to take State and just be a total stud.
My record for this year is 4–12, losing to everyone except South, Woodscross, Pahrump, and one of Highlands (J[unior]V[arsity]).
I was first put up against the number two seat, who took 1st place.
I lost.
Then I went against Highland’s JV and pined him;
then against Highland (V[arsity]), and in overtime, I just couldn’t turn him over for points and he won 1–2.
I can’t explain how bad I felt; I actually did cry, but not really.
Everyone’s really nice and feel for me and I’m glad that they do, but I just can’t explain how BAD I feel.
I can’t blame anyone but myself.
I wanted to go to State — so sad.
I probably prayed about 1000 times today, asking for help.
I did receive that help, I think, and I had to thank Heavenly Father for helping me get as far as I did.
Thank you.
One consolation I did get was, ever since we went to St. George I haven’t gotten pinned, and I did pin someone today.
I wish that I hadn’t have had that stupid tumor in my back.
I would be so much better if I wasn’t a Junior wrestling as a Senior.
I’ve had three years of wrestling.
I have to admit that I have had the greatest feelings I’ve ever had after wrestling (winning) and the worst (like right now).
One regret I have is that my parents haven’t come to any of my matches, except my mom came once.
I think I could have used a little of that support that others get sometimes.
Gary May came up today and watched some of it.
He didn’t see my last match, but he said he really liked that one against Highland.
My overall record is 8–27.
I’m really a good wrestler.
I never had a [the same] coach two years in a row and never really had enough confidence to win.
I really am good; ask just about anyone and they will tell you.
I’m not blaming any of this on anyone but myself.
I was good; there’s no denying that and I just wish I could have proved it.
Wrestling is an individual sport and no one works harder than youself to perfect your wrestling.
You say whether you win or lose.
I lost.
I’m the only one I can blame.
Our team was pretty good: in a dual meet we tied Woodscross 29–29 and at Bear River we beat Payson and here at the Region Tourny we won Woodscross.
First time in four years we’ve ever won someone.
Friday, March 20, 1987:
Today was one of the neatest times in my life.
I went out with Stephanie Fetzer to the Women’s Dance.
It was totally fun.
There were six couples; Joanna and Tracy were one.
First off we went to Jen Kennedy’s house, then left for the Brickyard Plaza to watch Tom Sawyer.
It was pretty good.
Then to Wendy’s [fast food restaurant] to get some Frosties (12), then up to Laura’s house to eat.
They had a six-foot sandwich and the Frosties and some fries.
During and after dinner we watched this neat movie and as I was sitting on the chair and Stephanie on the floor,we had our first kiss.
Nothing fancy.
Then another real quick one.
After dinner we went to the dance, got pictures, and danced maybe four songs, then it was over.
Then [we went] up to Tanni’s house for some ice cream (I took way too much) and a game of Scruples, which was fun.
Then we all went home: took Martin home, then Jen.
Me and Joanna had a kind of agreement: I wouldn’t go home before her, which I didn’t.
Me and Stephanie drove around for about an hour.
We went past Tracy’s house and thought we saw our car in the driveway (apparently it wasn’t).
We made about four passes by.
At the light up on Sunnyside and Foothill we were watching for it to change.
Meanwhile we snuck a bigger kiss in and missed the light; had to back up and trigger it again.
After missing a few lights, etc., we parked over by her house and talked.
One kiss when we were arm-wrestling and she wanted to win.
We finally drove past Tracy’s house; the car was still there (or so we thought).
So we went by my house and there was the car! — probably been there for a while.
Stephanie walked me to the door.
We had our great goodnight kiss for about a few minutes.
Then we finally let each other go and here I am.
I got in around 3:00 (3:09 when I looked).
I don’t know how well mom is going to take this (the 3:00 part, I mean).
She’ll probably just ask me if I had a good time and I’ll say yes.
Then that’ll be that.
But instead I bet she asks me what time I got in.
We’ll see.
The Orchestra and Acapella are going to California next week, Wednesday.
I expect to have a great time.
Stephanie is the most wonderful person I know right now — also way before.
This isn’t our first date (me and her).
I had a great time.
Things have changed in the past four months. James got his mission call — Atlanta, Geogia. I’ve become best friends with Vaughn Spendlove. I don’t know why, though. School’s out; I graduated. On graduation night I stayed out until the sun came up. I was very tired. We (our family) just got back from Yellowstone and me and Jon went to Scout Camp. He got Indian lore merit badge and I didn’t get any.
I called Amy Crain today and a week ago and she called me back and I haven’t talked to her. She is such a neat person and hard to get hold of. I got a postcard from Julia May, who, I think, is one of the neatest people I know. I’m going to write to her as soon as I get her address.
My Eagle project isn’t completed yet. I have to get that completed right away. My birthday is coming up and I still need six merit badges. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned Ron Simmons. I don’t have very much respect for him, except in his camping abilities. Otherwise our personalities clash [lightning flash “bang”] very much. I don’t know what to do about it. He doesn’t see anything; he thinks I like him, etc.
I’m finally starting to be myself. I’m making my own decisions, doing what I want to do, and, of course, my parents are still around — very much, but I’m starting to get around. I’m having a lot of fun doing all kinds of things; lots with Vaughn, and dating, and stuff like that.
Today was James’ mission farewell. It was quite fair; it was a lot of fun. First Kevin prayed, then song, then Jeanette and Joanna, then me. I stood up and said, “Okay, now you can all wake up!” I was quite the comedian, so they tell me. I’ve had a lot of compliments about my talk (very sincere complements). Then the uncles sang, then Mom talked, and Dad — everyone fell asleep again — and finally James. Closing song: guess — Called to Serve; Andry: closing prayer.
I’ve noticed in my life that I can talk with and to people and be very comfortable. This ability, I think, I really need to develop, because it will be very useful in my life. James leaves on Wednesday the 15th and I get my own room.
School for this Fall is all messed up. My financial aid is all goofy. I’ve filled out forms and forms and the same ones over and over and taken trips to Utah State and University of Utah and now I got a letter that says I’ve been denied; so I donno. I work at Friendship Manor Retirement Complex and love it. The people there are so neat. I’m trying to get James’ old job, but I donno. I’m a waiter. The jobs [aren’t] the greatest, but the people are.
Sunday, July 19, 1987:
Last Monday I talked to Amy Crain; she is one of the neatest people that I know, along with Julia May, Heather Dodd, and others.
I’m soooo glad that I got to talk to her.
We got a VCR and it’s lots of fun.
I’ll know tomorrow if I got the job at the Marriott and if I’m going to resign from the Friendship Manor.
I love to work there.
The people are sooooo cool; I love them all.
None of them are Mormons and they all do things that I don’t (swear, drugs, etc.), so it’s kind of weird.
But I love them anyway.
In the past few years I’ve been the only anything in the ward (teacher, priest, etc.). Now I’m the first assistant [presiding priest in local quorum] and doing that job. I’ve always done things because it was my job. I’ve sometimes wanted to, but mostly [it was] because it was my duty. Now I [am] thinking to myself and wondering why I’m doing all these things. I don’t want to anymore. They seem to be just in my way and I don’t want them. I go to church, I used to think, because I wanted to. But today I think it was because my parents have always gone and I just went with them to avoid talking to them about not going. Today I didn’t want to go to a fireside, so I didn’t. Mom came down and said, “Why don’t you want to go?” and stuff. And I said, “don’t you think I’m old enough to make my own decisions?” I’m almost 18 years old (September 19). I have to start making my own decisions. I’m an adult (officially). I really don’t know why I’m not motivated (I don’t read scripture). I pray; I’m a nice guy, but I really don’t know even if God is even out there. Or if the Church is true, or the Bible, or the Book of Mormon, or anything — prophets, they’re good men, I realize, but I don’t know if they talk to God. I don’t know if what my parents have taught me is true or what. Maybe everyone is wrong: the Apostles are playing a joke on us. There is no God. I have [to] know, I do, what I’m doing here on earth. I have no TRUE CONVICTION. People are good, I’ve seen, but I don’t know if these people are called of God to teach and preach [to] us. I don’t know the Church is true. I’ve said I did before. I’ve even written it down, but I really don’t know. What I said was what other people have said to me and what other people feel. I really don’t have a desire to do anything: to go on a mission, to get married in the temple, to go to the temple, to go to college, to pray (I don’t know who I’m talking to). I just am not motivated. Sometimes I think I am, like today at BYC [Bishop’s Youth Council]. But the last few days in general have been the pits. I really don’t know and don’t really care that much — for anything.
Sunday, August 16, 1987:
Since then I’ve found out just a few things:
I just know that God’s there.
I don’t know why, but I know He’s there.
So is Jesus.
I don’t know about the Book of Mormon, or the Church, but as far as I know it is and as far as I know it isn’t.
He-man is mine and Vaughn’s new hero. We saw “Masters of the Universe” the other day and it was sooo cool. And we went to a KUTR “Mormon” concert. I was sceptical, but it was all right. James is in Georgia. He’s having a great time. I’m not.
I’ve decided to work for a year and not go to school. I think that I’ve mentioned this before, but Ron Simmons and I have found that I haven’t been able to get along with him at all very much So today he asked me to come over to his house and talk to him. I did and basically he wanted to know what was going on. So I decided that it was time that it got out in the open and basically “our personalities don’t match at all.” I acknowledged that I admired him for his knowledge, wisdom, and that sort of thing. But basically I didn’t like him. So we kind of decided that he would back off of me and leave me alone, “let me go.” I said great. Then I went to a Priesthood Meeting and slept and went home.
Julia May is in Japan right now and I’ve kind of decided that she’s one of my favorite people in the whole world. I like her lots or more.
Vaughn and Keri broke up yesterday. She gave him a note and that was that. She was totally cool about the whole thing, so Vaughn wasn’t hurt.
I went water skiing yesterday up at Pineview (fathers and sons [outing]). It was great. I forgot how much fun water skiing really is. I love it.
This pen sucks; I don’t like it. I don’t like a lot of things. I don’t know why. Nowadays my best word is, “I don’t know” and I pretty much leave it at that.
— HAVE FUN — I do.
