I went through another wrestling season, a cross-country season, and half-way through a soccer season. In a soccer practice this one guy (I was goalie) kicked me in the back (in my tumor) and I was out for the rest of the year. In the summer (before this I didn’t know I had a tumor), I went in to get my knee checked, because it was always hurting and Dr. Stevens x-rayed it and stuff and couldn’t find anything. He decided to get a bone scan and when they were looking at that, they saw something in my back and decided to CAT scan it. So they did and found my tumor and they x-rayed it and things. So they decided to cut it out, so that was in June or July and finally I’m going to get it done. I’ve met some real neat kids (besides their swaring and so on) that have had to go through a lot, I’m sure. I feel real lucky that I’ve been blessed with just a tumor and to have such good health. I’m about the oldest one in the Hospital, besides maybe four or so other people.
I just got back from the operation room; this one lady was showing me around. They’re going to video tape it for me (I asked if they were going to). I wish that I could buy a tape to show my friends or something. I just got some ice cream from the nurse (pretty nice, huh?). It’s almost two now and everyone will be back from school pretty soon. This place is sure boring; the kids sure are loud. This ice cream’s pretty good. Today’s lunch was pretty good; today some kind of Mexican stuff. I was assured that the food is better than it was than it was today by someone who didn’t eat his. I’ve done a lot of reading today and I’m sure that I’m going to do a lot more. I sure hope that I get some visitors while I’m in here — besides my mom and dad. I know that they’ll come, and I know that Bro. Shoell [Seminary teacher] will come and the bishop; and Bro. Clawson will too. And I hope that Alfe will come too (I’m pretty sure he will). I have a lot of homework that I’m sure I will have to do, though I don’t want to. And it will be a lot easier for me when I get back home and back to school, as far as homework goes. I should feel a lot better as soon as I get up and then I’ll be back in competition in about four to six weeks.
My mom and dad came to see me last night around 6:30 and Andrea made me a card and I got it last night. I was pretty scared last night and was kind of crying. I’ve been reading the Doctrine and Covenants for a long time (more than a month) every day. Last night I prayed to my Heavenly Father to comfort me, so I wouldn’t be scared. I think that since I haven’t really been scared for a long time, it built up in me and it finally started to get let out. It took a little while for me to start getting comforted and not too scared anymore, but I finally did and now I’m all right.
It’s 1:26 and the nurse just told me, while I was reading a Thor comic book, that it won’t be too much longer now. I sure am hungry. Maybe I should make out a will — nah, I’m going to live; no problem, except maybe a little pain (little?).
That was the worst night of my life! I didn’t get much sleep. I woke up every two hours for my blood pressure, temperature, pulse, . . . got a few shots; my bum’s still sore. Wednesday, since I was the worst, they took me back last (to the boys’ ward). Then I laid there the rest of the day and had the second worst night of my life. The nurses here are so nice; it’s great. The night-time nurse is the nicest, I think.
Wednesday morning I couldn’t go pee, so I had to get cathed; got about a gallon out. I hate using the urinals; I’m glad I can use the toilet, since yesterday.
Thursday I felt a lot better. That was the day I had to start walking. The nurses, since I was so dizzy, had me get in a wheelchair instead of walking. Next I got in the chair myself once, and probably shouldn’t have. Then I walked to the sink (20 feet) and back (20 feet), which I surely shouldn’t have, and the nurses told me so. Then I got in a wheelchair and went to watch a movie at 6:30, but came back about ten minutes early.
This morning I got up and wasn’t feeling that great, but now I’m doing better. It still hurts when I turn, but I think it’s just the cut. Yesterday (Thursday) a stitch came open kind of about 1/16th of an inch and it bled all over my underwear (the hospital provides all the clothes). And I thought something was wrong, so I got the nurse to check it and the doctor (Dr. Smith) changed the bandage. I saw the bandage and it had blood all over it; it was yucky.
Today I’ve been up most the time, but still get dizzy and sick to my stomach, but not that much. I’ve walked a lot and ridden the wheelchair. I’ve played Hitari all day and things like that. At the nightly activity the team I was on won (a bunch of relay races), so we got first pick at the neat prizes there were. I got this neat new wallet, which is nice; I needed a new one.
I haven’t been lonely. The first night my mom and dad came. On Tuesday: Ron, Mom, and Dad. Friday: Mom, Grandma; Grandpa came but was in his grubbies and thought he shouldn’t come in. I got some letters today from Kevin Bergeson, Izzy Dunford, and Bro. Shoell. I was expecting Bro. Shoell to come today with letters from the whole school, but he didn’t (rumor from Joanna). I hope he comes tomorrow. He said he would come see me, so he will.
I’m going to go home Monday. Saturday and Sunday are going to be kind of boring; nothing really happens then. I’ll probably do some homework; my mom brought it today. I’m sure I’ll find something to do. It’s now ten after nine; the lights go out at 10:00.
I’ve got an autograph puppy from the hospital. Wednesday (that’s when I saw it) I got some names on it, but hope to get more. I gave some names to Joanna [of people] to get hold of and tell that seeing them would brighten my day and to come see me soon. I heard that a bunch of people were going to come at 9:00 p.m. and see me, but visiting hours are from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., so Joanna told them not to try to come. I hope they’ll try it tomorrow (I’m going to ask the nurse something now); I can only have four visitors a day and two at a time. I asked if a bunch of my friends come, if I could go to the lobby and see them, but she says that I could see four at a time in the little school room. I guess that’s OK. I hope that I can see my friends [during my convalescence] here or at least at home.
I’ve met a lot of neat people here. There’s a lot of Mexicans that just speak Spanish and we have a good time (can’t understand them too well, though). It’s 9:25; I’m going to go to bed now. Good Night.
Right now I’m watching “Rocky III” on T.V.; it’s pretty neat. I saw it in the theater with Thom Miller. (I just went up and turned down the T.V. and boy, I sure got dizzy.) “Rocky III” just ended; I think that was such a good movie. That was the BADDEST fight I ever saw.
People from the U[niversity] of U[tah] Institute of Religion came down and we played some games and stuff. It’s bed time now and there’s not much else to say, but I’ll finish this page off, I guess. I still hope my friends will come and see me. Bro. Clawson came and we talked a little today, and my mom and dad came at about 10:00 also. Reagan got to Geneva today; he sounds like he’s got some good ideas. A volcano down in Colombia exploded on Thursday. The people down there all died, well, as many as 70,000. I feel sorry for them; I’d like to help by sending money or something. We say, “I feel sorry for them,” but that’s all we say and we don’t do anything about it. I hope that I can do something to help and others can too.
Tuesday was pretty boring and Ron came by Monday, but I was asleep; then he came by Tuesday. Bro Shoell will be coming up about 8:00, but it’s supposed to snow about 6:00, so I don’t know. Today I took a bath since I got home. I couldn’t soak so I put some water in and poured water over me and stuff.
Joanna’s got a boy friend.
The tape on my back is starting to come off. Mom took the big bandage off on Monday and put a little one on, because shee thought that the tape might rip off. Jeanette says she likes to yell at people and is having a hard time being clean (cleaning her room and such). She doesn’t do her homework either. Jeanette likes to have a messy room. She said, “I wish you wouldn’t,” when Mom said, “Have you noticed I haven’t cleaned your room in three days?”
I got a B in Geometry and I talked to Mr. G. Smith today (I had him call me). He made me feel more comfortable in that I don’t have to worry that much. I think I’ll call Heather Dodd and ask if she could tell me anything that’s been going on (She’s in my math class). Or Q. Croft, US History, just gave me a paper to read and that’s all, no instructions. So I called to have him call me.
Joanna’s talking on the phone and Andrea’s complaining about it: how she won’t help her with some sacks for the “Annethankmas party” that my mom’s working on for this Friday. Mom just said, “First time we’ve had a clean counter in a week.”
See you later.
28–38, BYU over Utah (boo). I’ll probably go to Utah, but I might like to go to a smaller school like James wants to. I don’t know; I’ve kind of been thinking about that for a long time (or so), not real serious[ly], but I think I should start.
At about 20 minutes to seven me and Joanna left to pick up two people to go to a fireside (Seminary wide, with Dalin H. Oaks). I drove down, which was weird, because I haven’t driven for a while. We went and picked up Tracy (a boy) and then up to Joanna’s boyfriend (non-member, Matt Weiss), up in the rich part of town. Then we went to Temple Square. Tracy showed me this one place to park, which was secret (private parking, I think). Now I kind of wish I didn’t park there. After the fireside we took Matt home and got a tour of homes. Then I went up to try and see Kim Hanks’ house, but didn’t, so we went back down. And some people in an old Subaru followed me for a while: down the long street above Eleventh, then across Eleventh, then down Virginia, then down Thirteenth East, when I changed lanes and knew they were following me. Then at First South I pulled over and they passed me. Then they pulled over and I passed them. Then I went slow and at Fourth South the light turned yellow and I sped up, but they were still behind me. Then I turned into 7–11 on Eighth South and they sped up and went around the corner. Then I was following them. Then they made a U-turn (turned right twice before) and parked, turned out the headlights and when I saw them I waved and they turned on their headlights. They followed us again and we turned and they didn’t see us and I parked in front of Tracy’s house and ducked and didn’t see them. So Tracy got out and went inside. He had a good time. Then we went to Eighth South and saw them, but we went up the hill and they didn’t. Then we went home and here I am.
Jonathan and Jeanette were sick and stayed home today and I gave some money to Relief, that President Reagan issued as a fast day and I got what I wanted on page 59 at the top. But I forgot my money at church today, so I had Mom drop it off at the Ward, as long as she was out. Bye (James is getting up-tight).
These last weeks, or more in the last days, my eyes have been opened to see that I need to do some repenting of some things that I’ve done. I don’t think it’s anything major catastrophe-wise, but I feel I haven’t been good enough to get back to God, if I died right now. I keep thinking that if I did die, I would make it back, but I don’t know. My dad’s the Executive Secretary [person in ward who makes appointments for the Bishop], so I shouldn’t have any trouble getting an appointment. (James is just telling me about “pyramid power;” weird.) I feel that I need to be humbled, repent, have a remission of my sins, and have charity. That might, I’m sure, be too much to ask for. I feel very close to my seminary class, especially a few people. I hope I can serve them more. I have a strong testimony of service. I gave a talk once and service is my favorite subject. If you ask, I probably still have it in my files, if you want to read some of my material. I hope that I can get a file full of devotionals soon; I love devotionals. I love sayings and things like that. I’m glad I got this said. At least in writing I get it out of me. I’ll keep you updated later too, I hope.
I’m doing lots better. I’ll be going to school Monday. There was this string stuff that was very long and so my mom cut it off. Then it went inside of me. And later it hurt so bad I couldn’t believe it (although I almost cried).
I made a divining rod out of two hangers and I think it works some, but not really. It’s kind of fake. Me and James did this thing that was supposed to make me weaker, but didn’t work. And I’m doing something that should make my arm have bursitis-like pain. I doubt it will work.
I feel lots better with my standing with God and His Son. At the end of the book (above, sixth line), it talks about seeing Christ in the flesh. I haven’t seen him; I feel I would like it, but I’m sure that I’m not worthy. The last few weeks my body hasn’t gotten a lot of exercise, but my brain (mind) has. I want to go do a lot of things, like Hansen Planetarium and the like, and not. I think it would be fun to go to a movie with someone, although that’s not a good way to get to know someone.
Last night I had a very neat dream. It had Marie Chantel Bramble in it — a very, very sweet and kind girl I met last year. We had a great time and really got to know each other, which I’d like to do. I now have a greater love for her; she’s a real neat person. I hope that I see her soon and talk to her. I saw her this year, but couldn’t talk to her or anything. I’ve been admiring her for a long time and finally at a New Years Day dance (January 1, 1985) I danced with her and kind of knew her that year and wished I got to know her better; great girl.
I guess I’m going to be catching up on my homework pretty soon; tomorrow night, I hope. I hope by the time I grow up my dad will be able to play the piano; he drives me, as well as others, crazy. I hate homework when you’re sick for a long time. I’m sure everyone [else] does too, as well [i.e., much] as [they must] like going back to school and finally seeing friends again.
Today I did my German and finished up my computer and that’s all. I finished playing Monopoly with James and Dad. Then at about 6:00 we started a new game with me, Jon, James, Dad, Jeanette, and Andrea, and I lost first. James won.
On Wednesday I started a new book called “Priesthood” by twelve different men.
I was reading in Section 93 and then got referred to a lot of places about prayer. Then one of them was Alma 34:18. I read that, then I went on from 28 and finished the chapter. I learned something very useful. Don’t procrastinate! Don’t procrastinate on repenting and that’s what I’ve got to do. It’s late (11:30); I’ve been going to bed way too late lately and I should go to bed [now], so I think I wil[line dribbling down page]. (I bet you thought I fell asleep; tricked you, huh?)
I’m getting surprisingly well. I’ll be going back to school tomorrow, which will be neat. And, on Tuesday I get to give a Devotional. I’m going to sleep now . . . zzzzzzz................
I talked to an old friend (sixth grade). I think he dropped out of school today. I saw him in Seminary and welcomed him because I didn’t know him and he said, “Well, maybe think back five years.” and I knew him. I hope that this means he might get some religion in him and I hope I can help. I still think he could be a real neat guy. He had some problems, but I can sort of feel that he’s worked them out.
Sunday, December 8, 1985:
Today was a historic day: they closed [cancelled] church.
It snowed today real bad.
Most (not sure on the facts) the youth went out (I think) and shoveled walks.
Joanna went with some girls and me and James went by ourselves.
I did three and Joanna helped me with Sister Young; [she’s assignment for] home teaching.
I’ve done a lot of shoveling today: see [picture of stick-figure throwing snow balls].
All together it’s been a good day.
The power down by East [High School] has gone out and there’s lots of snow, so we (and we’re hoping) might not have school tomorrow.
I’m going to have to walk [two miles].
I helped Mom pass [out] a bunch of Relief Society papers with Jon. We kind of ran back and we played in the snow, sticking each other and playing around and got freezing. I also took a nap.
Joanna’s telling me to stay up till 11:00 for something: “Trust me,” she says. I don’t think I want to, although I did take a nap, I think I still need my sleep.
Tuesday, December 10, 1985:
Well, I found out what I was supposed to stay up for last night for.
A girl named Paula Lytle wanted to ask me to go to the Christmas Dance.
At about 11:20 there was a knock at the door and Joanna said, “I think someone is knocking,” and they knocked again.
And so I went to answer the door.
When I opened the door (the bedroom door [Joanna's room opens to the living room]) someone saw me put something down and ran off.
[The front door contains twelve pains of glass also flanked by sidelights.]
I opened the door and yelled, “hello!”
“Jeff Despain” was the cry back through the darkness. “There’s something for you at the door.” I picked it up and something big, four inches, and heavy fell out with a thud. I picked it up and went into my room and read the note attached.
It read, paraphrasing, “Would you go to the dance? If yes, then light the candle (the big thing that fell) and put it by your front window. You have ten minutes to answer.” It came with a bunch of candy, so how could I say no? I lit the candle and put it by the window, holding it there. Then the car that was waiting skidded off, but not before slipping in the snow and having to back up. They honked and I acknowledged. I couldn’t get to sleep that night till about 1:30, thinking too much. What do you expect? It’s my first date. I guess I should call her, and I will, but haven’t yet. I saw her today as usual. We exchanged glances and smiled. I think I’m going to have a great time. I’m going to have to think of something else we could do, so it won’t be that boring. Maybe she already has, though I don’t know; I going to have fun.
I hope I did something to help comfort some [of our wrestlers] that lost. I went in to get something out of a locker and some Tongan exploded on me and got blood on my coat. I washed it out.
I talked to Paula today; we’re going to double. I’m still boggled on what the dress should be. We’re going to go to Chinese food, then the dance, then her house and see some movies. She’ll get me at about 7:30 today (Saturday).
I could have gotten out of 2,3,4,5,6 period [classes], but I only got out of 2,3,4 because I had a test 5th. I didn’t have to play during 6th period. I started reading “Sea Wolf” by Jack London. I’ve read the first two chapters, plus half way through the 3rd. It is a very good book, so far; I like it.
Saturday, December 14, 1985:
It’s now [actually the] 15th.
I just got back from my very first date.
There was me and Paula Lytle, Sherri Cook and Marc Christiansen.
I had a really great time; I’m sure glad I went.
I was feeling real bad in my stomach; I don’t know what it was; then it went away; I guess it came back maybe once.
We first went to a Chinese restaurant and had a family meal for four and got the stuff we couldn’t eat in a doggy bag.
Then we went to Crossroads [Mall] and parked — but first we drove by the Triad [Center] — then we went to Temple Square (unplanned).
Then we went over to the dance and talked and looked at people’s dresses and got a picture and danced once.
And then [we] left and went to Paula’s house and we watched some Christmas movies (20-minute things) and played M*A*S*H Trivia and had rootbeer floats.
Then at about twenty to one or so we left and went home: [they] took Marc home, then me.
And I got home and looked in everyone’s bed to see if they were all home, and brushed my teeth and here I am.
Now it’s twenty-five after and I think I got home about 1:00 a.m.
I’ve had a great time; I really enjoyed it.
I guess dating couldn’t be that bad.