Wembley & Scarborough, Perth, W.A., Australia
Wednesday, 21 February 1990:
Well, it’s been a while.
My last statement is pretty much the way it is, although I am a lot different from the way I was then.
I’ve really changed a lot.
I’m now very wary of my feelings and trying to figure them out.
I suppose that one day I’ll have it all worked out.
One thing I’ve noticed: that my feelings for her are still (to a degree) there.
I’m now trying, with all that I have, to get my thoughts away from her and onto the work at hand.
Maybe if whenever I thought of her, I immediately sang a song or thought of some other thing.
I’ll try that and see how it goes.
I have a lot of memories of that period of time in Maylands.
Oh, by the way, I’ve now been transferred.
I’m in Wembley: I’d say one of the smallest flats there is.
I have so much stuff, it’s incredible.
I think that I’m going to be sending some things home pretty soon.
I’ve just got so much junk.
I’m still a zone leader, but now just another zone.
I’m in an area that I’ve never even been in; maybe once or twice.
Anyway, life is good.
Yesterday at the transfer meeting, well, after it actually, Sister Edmonds came up to me in the parking lot and asked me where her gear was.
I told her and then she stood there for a second and asked me if something was wrong.
I said, “No.”
But that wasn’t very convincing.
(On the 14th I had a long talk with Sister Edmonds and let her know everything that happened.)
As she stood there looking at me, I wanted to say that something was really wrong, but I couldn’t really think of anything.
So I said, “Nope, nothing” and left it at that.
Now she’s off in Hillarys somewhere and I’m down here and we won’t really be seeing each other again, which is good (I think?) except maybe at mtgs etc.
Anyway, I’m glad that the problem is really being taken care of.
I’m tired of worrying about it.
I got a letter from James yesterday and he was talking about this girl that he’s pretty serious about (Vickey), so we’ll see.
I think it would be cool if he gets married.
I’d kind of like to be there.
But I really don’t want him to put off the wedding for my sake.
Once you’re engaged, get married quick.
That’s all.
Saturday, 24 February 1990:
My new area is pretty good.
We have two elderly sisters in our district that we have to go around and help fix up their problems.
We’ll see how it goes.
Being a zone leader really isn’t that hard.
You basically can’t let people run you around and do everything for them; help them to do things for themselves.
We were tracting the other day and came across this lady sitting in her car and we talked to her for a bit.
She wasn’t interested and as we were saying, “have a nice day” and whatever, she winked at us and I noticed that the same feeling came to me that I used to have when I looked at Sister Edmonds.
So I’m now trying to figure out what in the world that means.
I know it’s not the Spirit telling me anything.
It might be the other spirit. Who knows?
My mind is finally really starting to get on the work more and more.
I’m starting to forget about Sister Edmonds.
Hopefully, soon I will be able to.
Sunday, 25 February 1990:
Today was an exceptionally good day.
We started it off with going to church, which was pretty good.
We had a few investigators there.
We went in the middle of church and did some call-backs.
Then after church me and Elder Myers went to a baptism over in my old ward.
Joshua Cary, Nicole’s son got baptized.
It was really good.
I enjoyed it exceptionally.
We got a few photos, which I’ll have to get a bunch of repeats of.
After that we ran over and had to get to a fireside, which was one of my first ones to sing in.
I was in the choir.
It was pretty good; I really enjoyed it.
Anyway time for a feed.
Lots and lots of running around today.
It was crazy, but I had a really good time.
Saturday, 24 March 1990:
Well, it’s been a month and boy I sure have been slack.
I say once again, it’s a matter of priorities: Journal needs to be moved up.
I’m still a zone leader here in Wembley [crossed out] Dianella and just last Tuesday were transfers and we moved over to Scarborough [on coast 7 kilometers NW of Wembley].
It’s great.
I’m in a two-man flat and it’s wonderful.
My companion right now seems to be going through some real hard times within himself.
He won’t tell be what’s wrong or even any of his feelings.
Our relationship is really on the rocks.
I fasted yesterday for help to love him more and it really helped.
It’s certainly grown.
He does a lot of things that I don’t agree with, so that’s hard.
His attitude is not the greatest, but those are some things that I’m trying to help him in.
Of course, it all comes back to example so I’m trying to be more of an example than anything.
He’s a good guy though.
You might remember that I didn’t get on much with my companion in Fremantle.
Well, he was a hunter and so is my companion now.
I don’t think that that has anything to do with it though.
I really want this companiouship to work out.
I’m really trying to be the best I can.
I used to be very “self-pitty–ish” and always looked at the wrong things he was doing to me.
But now I’ve changed around and started to look at the things that I can change to help him improve his life and be a better missionary.
I don’t have long left and I really want to help people out and like my Partriarchal Blessing says in regard to my companions, “Buoy them up; fortify them,…”
So I really need to do that now especially.
Anyway, a lot has happened.
Our zone has everyone training in it.
It’s pretty wierd.
We really need to do something to get people excited —EXAMPLE—
Tuesday, 3 April 1990:
Well, time just keeps going by.
Maybe some updates on the work.
My companion and I are getting along a lot better.
He had a “companionship inventory” which included a “discussing the concerns,” but now (that was a week ago today) things are even better.
We fasted this month for an increase in companion unity and also our investigators, so, hopefully, it will continue to get better and better.
This week we are having a training day on the 5th.
It should be pretty good.
I get to teach a class on member presentations.
It should be good.
I’ve found a few things that I need to be doing better in a good little revelation that came to me about lunch time.
I read this paper on “serve with all your heart.”
I now have a greater understanding about how much more I need to do and especially putting all my heart into the work.
I’ve figured out my future pretty much:
Work at Marriott, School, etc.
So I don’t need to worry about the things that are happening at home.
I’m now going to spend my time worrying about what’s happening here right now for the next seven months and not worry about the past or the future.
Anyway, these are just a few things that are happening.
“Many are called, but few are chosen.”
I want to be chosen.
Saturday, 7 April 1990:
Well, yesterday was the Church’s anniversary.
That’s pretty exciting.
This last week’s been good.
On Thursday the 5th we had a training mtg, which was pretty good.
I learned a little bit, not much though.
I suppose I had better review my notes.
On Thursday night we had the transmission on the car blow out on us.
So we hiked to a member’s place and called some missionaries to pick us up.
We had to push the car for so far I can’t believe it.
It was pretty hard, but we survived.
On Friday we got it towed into the dealer’s shop and had to call them all day.
And we worked with our district leader all day.
Now we are on bikes.
I borrowed Elder Jensen’s bike and it only has one gear on it: the lowest.
It is so hard to pedal I’m really tired.
One good spiritual experience I had yesterday was:
We went tracting; Elder McMullin and I went to this old man’s place.
He was a red hot Born-again and he was really trying to burn us and make us believe in the Trinity and Christ and all that.
He even cast and bound the devil, which was inside us, by the authority which he had.
I guess that the best part about it was that as he was talking to us I felt perfectly at ease and particulary as he cast the devil out of us I felt really peaceful.
The Spirit just whispered peace to my soul.
It was really good.
I really thank Heavenly Father for that.
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Sunday, 8 April 1990:
Another exciting day.
We got a ride to church and had an investigator come.
Her name was Trang Vo.
Later we taught a guy from Malaysia a First.
He already believes anything we tell him.
We asked him to pray about Joseph Smith and he asked, “Why do I need to pray about it when you just told me about him?”
It was pretty neat.
Me and Elder Koeber are still having trouble getting along.
It’s better, but it’s still very hard.
I don’t know why, really.
I’m trying really hard to be very meek and submissive and so is he, that’s working out well.
I really don’t think that I’ve been this tired in the last 17 months.
These bikes really took it out of me.
It was a killer, trying to get up all those hills.
In fact, it was even harder because I only have one gear on the bike: fifth, the hard gear.
Anyway, I really gained a lot today, especially spiritually at church.
It was really noisy, but I had just a beautiful calm peaceful feeling.
It was great; especially Sacrament Mtg.
That’s all for tonight. I’m going to bed. Have fun.
Monday, 9 April 1990:
This P-day was pretty good.
We finally got our car back after so long.
It’s good to have it back.
Today was kind of interesting.
I didn’t really do that much, although I did get a awful lot of study time in.
I think that it was great to feel the Spirit touch me some more about the truth.
I think the Spirit must get frustrated sometimes because he teaches me things, but I don’t really apply them.
Right now I’m trying to figure out how much people trust me.
I suppose sometimes I look for the praise of men just a little too much.
I don’t know if Heavenly Father really trusts me any more and I don’t know if I’m doing everything that He wants me to do.
Right now me and Elder Koeber are having some difficulties getting on together.
I don’t feel that we are unified at all.
We’ve gotten better though. Also I know the love that should be there, just isn’t.
The only thing is is I want to love him and I’m really trying to, but I just haven’t been able to break over that first barrier, whatever that is.
I enjoy being a zone leader, though it is an awful lot of responsibility.
And also getting along with your companion makes things even better.
I like the responsibility.
It really builds character.
I’ve just got to get along with my companion or things just are not going to work.
Tuesday, 10 April 1990:
Tuesdays are usually very hectic, especially the night time.
I don’t think that once we’ve gotten our comp-study or gotten to bed on time on Tuesday.
Today was especially good for me.
I had a chat with President Innis today and unloaded a lot of grief on him.
The assistants were quite concerned for me; I could tell.
But anyway, back to President: he told me that it would be good to have me start fresh in a new area and really go at it.
I really enjoy being a zone leader.
I get a lot of satisfaction helping the rest of the zone out.
(He [gave me a] Priesthood Blessing [wherein he] said that this week would be particularly good and that I would plant many seeds which would be harvested later; also that the desires of my heart would be granted.
I suppose in interpret those to be foreigners; purification being born again; these are some of my desires.)
Also I would like to be a Senior Zone Leader not for any earthly praise of man.
But merely to be able to serve in that capacity would really help me to show how much good I can really do.
I know that there is so much that I have yet to do and I’ve just got to do a little more, a little more often.
Missions are great.
I’m so grateful for the priesthood in my life and also for being able to teach people about the truth.
I don’t think that hoping for a position is exactly the right thing to do.
I had better think about that one.
Before I talked to President Innis today, I was really feeling at a great loss spiritually.
I just didn’t feel like I had the Spirit with me and was not even trusted of the Lord.
Through talking with the president today and also getting a blessing from him I learned a few things:
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1) | One thing I need to work on is getting my boldness and courage back up. |
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| 2) | There are some times when you can work your very hardest and not get anywhere. Then it’s time to get transferred. |
| 3) | I really felt the Spirit during my blessing. I am so convinced that the Priesthood is on the earth. The Spirit really works miracles. |
| 4) | I’m here to plant [and] sow seeds, and reap [the harvest]. |
Today while talking with a Catholic nun (retired), I really got a lot of the boldness I once had and also the Spirit.
I really laid it on the line for her and was totally up front and bold.
It was great.
We taught two discussions today and I really felt the Spirit during both of them.
I guess that’s about it.
I still need to ask the president how I can really repent of my “sins” and really get purified.
I just don’t know how.
Tonight I think I’ll spend the night in prayer and ask Heavenly Father how to do it.
I just can’t seem to get that godly sorrow.
It’s time to really pray “Garden-Gethsemene Style” and put all the study to practice — what I’ve learned about forgiveness.
Wednesday, 11 April 1990:
Today was grand.
We met some really nice people, were able to teach someone (Joy) and to top it all off we had a long talk with a Born-again.
(If only they would open their eyes!)
All in all, a good day.
I’ve worked out finally that whenever it’s my companion’s day to be in charge, he’s in charge and what he says goes.
Don’t even hint like you’re questioning what he’s doing.
And when it’s my day be nice to him and get his opinion anyway — it’s not that bad.
I love my companion; I really want him to do better than now; he’s capable of so much more.
Thursday, 12 April 1990:
Today wasn’t too bad.
Me and elder Koeber are getting along better — actually more like about the same: he’s making these little comments that would really cut me down — an attempt to make me feel bad.
And I’m just brushing them off now.
Going through the rest of the week will be fun.
We had a D[istrict] D[evelopment] M[eeting] in Daglish and I split with Elder [Peter] Orth.
It was good; I learned a little bit about how to have fun; I enjoyed it.
Right now it’s late and I’m waiting for my tea to cool down, so I can eat it, some soup and noodles: it is too hot, but looks good.
Tomorrow will be a hectic day.
I’ve really got to try harder to do a good job at being a leader; lot more to do.
Firday, 13 April 1990:
Today we started it off pretty well. We had to run to the office and get some missionaries’ bikes moved around and stuff.
Then we had a DDM (District Development Meeting) at 8:00 a.m.
Then me and Elder Koenigs went tracting in his area.
It was great because everyone was home.
Only thing is [was] that no one wanted to talk to us except these two Born-agains who wanted to convert us to be a Christian.
Anyway, then me and Koeber were together and we went to dinner at Sister Copes.
Sister Cope is about 30 and single and she’s very nice but kind of wierd — she’s all right though.
Today at 5:30 she cooked us a big feed — we took Elder Ins and McMullin with us.
The food was really gross: the meat wasn’t cooked and for sweets the awful rice pudding stuff.
I was really grateful for the dinner tonight — it really saves me money.
Sister Cope was really nice and I really thank her for helping the missionaries.
She even gave us some milk and hot cross buns.
So I really hope that the Lord blesses her — she is a good lady.
Right now I’m over at Marley flat and I’ll be spending the day with Elder Ins.
He’s really slow and stuff, so I’m going to see if I can get a little fire back into him.
Saturday, 14 April 1990:
Well, Elder Koeber is getting transferred; now that’s pretty exciting.
I enjoyed being with him for these two months.
But I’m relieved, glad, anxious, and everything, that he’s going.
He’s a nice guy, but I’m happy he has some other work to do somewhere else.
Now the test comes: can we go Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday morning without any disagreements?
And after he’s gone, will I be content to leave it all alone, or will I rip on him and gossip about him?
I want to do the right thing and I will [picture of a happy elder].
Sunday, 15 April 1990:
Today was good.
At church we had John come and also this ex-member and his girlfriend came.
Some elders invited them to a fireside tonight and they are in our area so we went around and chatted with them.
They are really cool.
They came to the fireside and Lisa had hardly even heard of the Book of Mormon and this guy tonight was expounding on the Creation, Fall and Atonement.
It was really good.
I was worried about Lisa, but she now wants to learn more about the Church, so I suppose it was good.
I really felt the spirit of peace there.
The music was really good.
Otherwise today: We went over to John and Blossoms and mentioned McDonalds feed for breakfast and thy caught on that I didn’t have the money for it so they gave both of us some money: $40 between us.
I couldn’t believe it.
I’m sure he will be blessed immensely.
Monday, 16 April 1990:
Today we again met down to the beach.
It was really nice; it was so beautiful I should have taken my camera.
From standing and walking in the sand, my feet got really sore and raw.
I couldn’t walk on them.
Straight away we went over to McDonalds and had our big feed.
I used only 13 dollars, so the most went for laundry and whatever.
I’m really sad for my companion because of the few things that I noticed[.
They] might be a problem for him later down the road.
I’m not going to rip into him now, but suffice [it] to say I love him in a strange way.
These last few months really remind me of [the] Elder Gillespie months down in Fremantle.
But I’ve progressed far more than that, so it wasn’t too bad, but I think it was harder.
That little guy complex and “I need all the attention” is hard to overcome.
It must be something about hunters — not to class them by any means.
Anyway I’m thinking they might leave me as a junior companion for a while more until [the] president thinks I can handle it as a senior.
I think I can, but I don’t think [the] president thinks I can.
I feel like I’m really different when I’m around him.
It’s hard to tell; I hope he’s inspired.
I’ll take the position I have and really serve with all my might and heart (can’t forget that one) no matter what it is.
It’s much too late now; I’m going to pray, then go to sleep.
I’m sure I’ll sleep well.
I even managed to get a letter written today — neat, eh?
