Maylands, Perth, W.A., Australia
Wednesday, 20 December 1989:
Pretty much yesterday was a pretty hectic day with transfers and everything.
My whole district got transferred, all eight of us.
But anyway, now I’m a zone leader here in the Swan Zone.
I’ve got what used to be the Guildford Zone, except without one ward.
Anyhow, here I am.
I’m now in Midland [sic. Maylands].
It’s incredible.
I’m here in Elder Flickinger and Manning’s area.
I’d say my two best zone leaders that I’ve had.
It’s really weird being in their old area and holding the position they both held.
But although I feel good about my calling, I’m busily trying to come to grips with what I need to do and what role I need to take.
I guess I really feel that I’m in the shadow of Elder Croucher and very insecure about serving with him.
I guess, mainly I’ll definitely get over that and just do the work.
For now I’m really concentrating on the basics.
The discussions I’m going to learn really well this month, so that will be good.
Thursday, 21 December, 1989:
Well, my second day as a zone leader.
Today was fairly hectic, I suppose.
I did my first district development mtg. today.
It went pretty well.
I taught a little bit out of the missionary guide about bearing testimony.
Then we went on splits with two elders up in Midland [Junction] there.
It was pretty good.
My parents sent me a present for Christmas.
I got it yesterday; just thinking about it now.
I suppose I should have waited for Christmas to open it, but oh well.
It was three tapes of Paul H. Dunn’s, “No Greater Gift.”
I haven’t had any time to listen to them yet.
I really don’t know when I will.
Basically, I want to learn from them, so I’ll take notes and [do] the works on them.
Apparently from some letters that I got today from home, my brother (Jonathan) has a girlfriend, which is pretty neat.
He said that he’s 5 feet 11 inches: that’s 3 inches more than me.
Otherwise everything is pretty good.
I’m very, I’d say, overwhelmed with the responsibility that I’ve been placed in.
I’s good though.
Basically I’d say that I’ve got the greatest teacher in the whole mission.
Elder Croucher is so good.
It’s so incredible.
I’m really grateful to be able to serve with him.
Basically, I suppose, I just feel a bit inadequate with my own feeling in my ability to be a zone leader.
But I know that I have one month (then Elder Croucher goes home) to learn everything that I need to know about being a zone leader.
And basically just be the best person I can and learn some of those Christlike attributes that are so necessary.
Anyhow, that’s basically the way it is here in Maylands.
The last month will be great.
I’m so thankful to the Lord for putting me here in this area.
I’ve got to bear down.
Tuesday, 26 December 1989:
Well, it’s been a while.
I’ve been running and running.
I guess I’ve had time but didn’t write for any real reason.
Yesterday was Christmas and it was one of the best Christmases that I’ve ever had.
We (me and Elder Croucher) first: last week we decided to, on Christmas, read the first three Gospels.
So that morning we went down to the river and read for a few hours in a very lonely spot.
Then after that we spent the rest of the day in the flat, just reading the Gospels.
I really learned a lot about Christ.
I really feel that I’ve come a lot closer to my Heavenly Father through this experience.
I really felt the Spirit very strongly and I know that those bits I read, Matthew, Mark, and up to ch. 7 in Luke, are definitely true, because the Spirit really told me so.
I also know that I need to work on doing the missionary work with more faith and be more diligent.
On Sunday night we went (the district, us & two sisters) Christmas caroling.
It was really good.
Then today was my first correlation as a zone leader.
It wasn’t so bad.
It really wasn’t as hard or as stressful as I thought it would be.
I think I’m going to like being a zone leader.
Thursday, 28 December 1989:
Yes, the time really slips by now.
I think I’ll need to make a better effort of writing in the old journal here.
Anyhow, today was very eye-opening, but at the same time very confusing.
I just finished the Book of Mormon this morning and, well, I know that it’s true, but I really wanted Heavenly Father to tell me that it is true and everything.
But I just didn’t get any answers.
Today we fasted for extra faith to do the work better and really put our hearts into it.
But for some reason today I really feel yucky.
I really don’t know why.
I suppose that it’s very humbling, being in this new position and not really knowing what to do, or how I can really serve my zone well.
I suppose that most of all I wasn’t really prepared to serve in this capacity.
As a district leader it was really good because basically it wasn’t that very hard and I really pretty much knew what I was doing, so it wasn’t that bad.
But now that I’m a zone leader everyone naturally looks up to me, even if there is no need to.
I suppose that I’m comparing all my weaknesses with other people’s strengths.
And that’s not really an “on” thing to do.
So I suppose I need to stop comparing myself with other people and start worrying about losing myself in the service of others and not worry about petty little things.
Just do my job the way it needs to be done — and be happy at it …
Friday, 29 December 1989:
Today was a lot better than yesterday.
Today it seemed that I had some direction to my life, which was pretty good to have.
We went up to Northam (abt 1½ hr [E] from here).
Today we took the sisters up there and spent the day up there.
We (my companion) went to Toodyay ([say:] tojay) [40 km N of Midland Junction] and worked there.
It was pretty good.
It was really wierd being in the country again; I quite enjoyed it.
When we got back, we went to Mr. Kuang’s house.
Mr. Kuang is a Korean and he and his friend Kim were there, then later two more people came in.
They don’t know English really well and we tried to teach them a First Discussion.
It went pretty well: taught about God, Jesus, Prophets, and Book of Mormon; also gave him a Korean “Joseph Smith’s Testimony,” and stuff like that.
One really neat experience with that is that when Kim would tell Mr. Kuang about something that we said, I was able to tell when he was understanding the point.
Even once the Spirit told me that he didn’t understand something about prophets and scrolls and gold plates, so I caught that and explained it more to them.
It was a really good experience.
Actually, looking back on today I would say that it was a pretty good day.
Tomorrow I really want to work hard and really push myself.
Sunday, 31 December 1989:
Well, it’s Sunday morning.
Yesterday was perhaps one of the best days that I’ve ever had on my mission.
All we did yesterday was teach — one right after another.
We taught a girl named Christina a First and Second and she wants to get baptized this week.
Then we went tracting and found about three people in a flat just sort of sitting there and taught them.
The one that was keen on the whole thing was Tory, who had some really good ideas.
Then we went and to some other things and visited an inactive lady and then taught this girl named Rose a First Discussion.
She was brought up a Jehovah’s Witness, but is actually living with an inactive LDS who at the end of the discussion gave a most sincere prayer.
It was so good.
We then went tracting and found a guy named Adam and talked to him for about three hours.
It was really good — no spirit of contention at all and we were very frank with him.
He had already been taught a lot before.
Then, to end the night off, we had a good spiritual feast with an inactive girl who is now getting back into things.
She’s really good, and the best part of that is that she really wants to come back to church.
And this morning I’ve just gone over the first two chapters of Nephi — it was really good.
Anyway, that was yesterday and I really enjoyed it the most teaching I’ve done in my whole mission.
Well, now it’s the end of the day.
Today was really good: started off with getting up on time, which really felt good.
Then I started the Book of Books again from the start.
It was really good, then a bit of tracting.
Came across the girl who seemed really good, who lived up in Geraldton [370 km N].
We said we’d come back, so we would have time to teach her properly.
So when I went back with another missionary, she wasn’t there; oh well, we’ll try back later.
Simeon came to church today; but Christina didn’t come to the baptism.
But I still feel good about her.
I feel that there’re problems, but I don’t think that they are really serious.
Tonight we had my first zone prayer mtg.
We showed a new video called “What is real.”
It was pretty good.
I did all the conducting, which went well with my bit of a talk in the beginning of it on obedience.
Just a little short one.
It was really good, though I was quite nervous, but I feel everything went well and a few people did mention that they felt it created more unity in the zone, which is what I wanted.
Monday, 1 January 1990:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Today we had a mission (metro area) New Year’s gathering.
We all came in and had a fun time in the park.
After that we saw Christina, who negged us by: when she opened the door, she hid behind it and her uncle told us she was in Melbourne.
Friday, 5 January 1990:
Sorry, I missed the last couple of days.
It’s Friday morning.
It’s been a really hectic week so far.
On Wednesday we met these Chinese folks over here from Beijing and they wanted to learn about God, so we taught them a First yesterday.
It was really good because two of them don’t know English at all and one understands but can’t speak it very well.
We found them in the morning, then we went back in the afternoon to teach them, and well, there was a friend there who would be our interpreter, so that was pretty good.
So we taught them about God, Jesus, prophets, and Joseph Smith.
Then he had to go and we were left on our own for the Book of Mormon and prayer, which was fine.
When we taught them how to pray, it was so neat to see them.
When we kneeled down we faced the window so they all faced the window.
Then we said, “No, no, you can face us.”
Then it looked like they were going to pray to us, so I said, “Pray to God, not us.”
They faced me by saying, “Yes, yes, we know.”
So Mrs. Chi, the most spiritual one there, said the prayer and the most beautiful Spirit was there.
It was one of the best times I’ve ever had on my mission.
Then yesterday we went back with some Chinese books and pamphlets and taught them more about Christ and read some of the Book of Mormon with them.
The Holy Ghost was just really teaching them everything that they needed to know.
It was really good.
Also last night we went by this Korean guy’s house and taught his friend and everyone.
I think the reason these people aren’t getting progressed is that we aren’t committing them properly.
I think we need to start and ask them to be baptized, because I’m sure that they would do it, if we prepared them properly.
Also I found out on Wednesday that Elder Thompson will most likely be going home.
I had a good cry; I’ll sure miss him.
He was one of my favorite Elders all around.
I will be sad to see him leave.
Saturday, 6 January 1990:
Yesterday I was exceedingly happy.
We got to tract in the morning and found a new friend.
Then we saw Simeon, then our Chinese friends.
The Spirit that was there was so terrific that I can’t put into words the great joy and happiness I was having.
We would teach them and they would just take in everything, until they started having concerns about baptism and if they should join LDS’s.
The Spirit was so strong, it was great.
We ended up the day with a bit of Spirit-filled inspiration and started to write down a lot of the stuff for the Zone Development Mtg.
It was really good.
Well, nighttime — day went well, worked hard, and had lots of faith.
The Lord has really blessed me today.
Sunday, 7 January 1990:
Today was an exceedingly great day; I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It started at 7:30 this morning with travel to church and we picked up Mrs Chi and Kim.
Went to church and a new fellow moved into the ward, namely Dan, who was Chinese as well.
He said that he will be able to help us to joint teach them.
Mrs. Chi thoroughly enjoyed the church; she just didn’t want to leave; she just (when we dropped them off) looked like she was saying, “wait, don’t leave.”
Otherwise we taught this mother and daughter a Second and they are both preparing for baptism on the 14th, which is good.
They aren’t all that firm in the commitment, so we are going over to their place to keep strengthening it and I really have faith that they will join, as well as Mrs. Chi and she will help Kim and Mr. Seun as well.
Anyway, we ended the day with a great Zone Development Mtg. that went way too late, but was still a great mtg.
All thoroughly enjoyed it.
I loved today and I love being a missionary.
Monday, 8 January 1990:
Today was one of my best P-days yet.
Instead of just taking it easy all day, we actually went out and worked and treated it as a fairly normal day:
taught a Third and a few overviews; it was really good.
Tomorrow is about the busiest day that I’ve ever seen on my mission.
We’ll be starting out at and show Bruce R. McConkie’s last testimony to an investigator (Mary).
Then we have a zone leader training mtg, which I really feel (and hope) will help me a whole lot.
We’ve really been working close with the sisters in the city.
They are really good missionaries and we have so many spiritual experiences with them, it’s really good.
You know, I would love to find my wife on a mission, if Heavenly Father told me, but you really have to be careful, because the Spirit and love are so close.
Often times people get them mixed up.
A quote I used once, “You get the Spirit mixed up; you’re in big trouble.”
I’m really starting to feel close to Heavenly Father.
It’s great. I love him so much.
I can’t wait for tomorrow to be able to serve him even more. I love my mission.
Tuesday, 9 January 1990:
Today we finally had a Zone Leader Training Mtg.
Boy, was it good!
I truly learned a lot more about my job.
I didn’t learn anything about what exactly my responsibilites are, but learned more about leadership.
Mrs. Chi and Kim are now stuck with baptism.
They are in the Communist Party and cannot join unless they are not Communists any more, so they have to wait six months and then they won’t be one anymore.
Today we spent the whole day just teaching people the gospel.
We didn’t teach any overviews, but we taught heaps of ourviews [?].
It was good.
I feel my spirituality has been dropping slightly.
I really feel it is because of not reading the Book of Mormon very much.
I really need to work on that.
Also, I really need to work on presenting the discussions better.
Thursday, 11 January 1990:
Gee, it’s hard being a zone leader.
There is an awful lot that the Lord expects of us.
I have been given so much.
Sometimes I keep asking and asking for things and I wonder if Heavenly Father says, “But what are you doing with what you already have, anyway?”
My faith is really increasing, but I need so much more.
Saturday, 13 January 1990:
Today was an exceedingly good day.
The lady that we are teaching (Nicole) is being baptized tomorrow.
It is really amazing to see the change that is brought into the lives of others.
This is the first time in almost my whole mission that I’ve been able to see someone go through the process of hearing the gospel as taught the standard discussions and being converted.
It’s really something else.
I’m now convinced that Nicole Zeug is really converted to the gospel.
I’ve really enjoyed teaching her and I feel that her love has really grown.
Nicole has a daughter named Marnie, who went away down to a beach place down near Rockingham [40km S] and had a thoroughly good time.
She’s really coming along and I really feel good about her getting baptized this week, either Wednesday or Sunday.
I’m really starting to see some ways that Heavenly Father blesses the lives of others.
I’m truly grateful for my mission.
Sunday, 14 January 1990:
Today was pretty good.
Church went pretty well.
Nicole enjoyed it, except Relief Society, because Aaron (her son) came in and bugged her the whole time.
Then the baptism went off OK.
The whole thing didn’t really well, although I really feel that Nicole enjoyed it, she was really nervous about getting her face under water.
She had a bad experience as a kid with water.
But everything went off OK.
Marnie is still a bit hard case.
She’s basically just trying to think of ways that she can avoid getting baptized.
I think what it will come down to is her starting off with prayer.
Then actually humbling herself and saying that she wants to do what God wants, not what her street kid friends want.
Anyway, I learned a few things today.
I only wish that I could remember what they are.
I’ve really grown to love Nicole and her family.
It’s been really great teaching them and the best part is that … (sorry, stupor of thought).
Anyway a pretty good day.
The week went well. Lots of ups and downs, but it was good.
Monday, 15 January 1990:
I cannot express the total and utter joy I feel when I think about Nicole.
Even right now as I think of her.
We went over to her place tonight and she was so full of life, I couldn’t believe it.
This morning she read “Truth Restored” and she really really was happy — she understood so much.
She is so great.
I reckon that Marnie will soon follow along and get baptized also.
Josh really wants to get baptized, which is great.
A few problems in the zone, but we will take care of them tomorrow.
Secret signs, combinations, murmuring and grave tones — all in one flat between two elders, mostly.
It should be exciting.
Tuesday, 16 January 1990:
Month’s half over and today was really good.
I can’t pass up an opportunity to tell about Nicole and her family.
We went by today and it was so beautiful.
She finally prayed in front of us.
I cannot express the joy I felt as she gave the most sincere heart-felt prayer I’ve almost ever heard.
It was great.
I really know God has really blessed her so much.
It’s great.
Wednesday, 17 January 1990:
This morning we had family prayer with the Zeug (Nicole) family.
It was really neat.
Today we did splits with Bassendean and it went well.
I went with Elder Shumway and learned a few things:
1) I really need to be way more assertive and just say things like I want them done, and
2) really be a great missionary and always show forth my best efforts.
Tomorrow I need to present 25 minutes on the discussion at Zone Conference.
I really don’t even know what I’m going to do yet really.
I’ve got a main idea. I’ll have to do all that tonight and tomorrow.
Thursday, 18 January 1990:
Today we had a Zone Conference.
It was pretty good.
I was asked to conduct and it went OK, I guess.
I was pretty nervous and I didn’t really do very well.
I few things I really need to work on: I need to be more assertive; I need to stop saying, “just,” “OK,” “I guess,” etc. and those kinds of things.
Friday, 19 January 1990:
Today we did splits up in Midland [Junction].
It went pretty well.
It was really hot up there.
I’ve really learned more the last day about assertiveness.
It’s been really good anyway.
Life in Maylands is pretty good.
I really need to learn more about the Savior and really grow to know him and Heavenly Father.
That was just made clear to me as Elder Croucher was just now telling Sister [Cherie] Edmonds.
Being a zone leader is hard, but good.
Sunday, 21 January 1990:
Well, today Elder Croucher is gone.
I’m all by myself.
Now I’m totally in charge of the zone.
It’s going to be hard, but I really know that I’m going to do all right.
It’s quite different.
I really need right now to really keep to respect.
That is so needed.
I’m with the Bassendean Elders and I really need to keep everything in control.
It’s really wierd being back in Bassendean.
Anyhow, life is good.
I really need to spend some time gaining some respect from others.
Anyway, my mind isn’t here, so I’ll not worry any more.
Monday, 22 January 1990:
Today was transfers.
I’m now with Elder Ferguson; still in Maylands.
The weekend was pretty good.
I was on a split with Bassendean and, well, it was hard, but I made it through.
I’m still the junior companion: I think mostly from the feeble attempt at conducting at the zone conference.
I’ve really changed a lot since then.
I’ve really become aware of my non-assertiveness and I fixed the problem.
I think that Elder Ferguson is here to show me how to love someone, because I think I’m starting to go down the road of all work, work, work and no play.
And when problems come up, I’m not so good at showing concern and sitting down and helping solve them.
Anyway, we taught Sue a Third Dis. about the Restoration.
It was not really good.
She found out about the W[ord] of W[isdom] and brought that up a few times.
But it went well.
We have two new district leaders: Elder Orth and Elder Dunlap.
It should be quite good.
Thursday, 25 January 1990:
The hectic life of a zone leader!
Today we went up to Northam and visited the Sisters there.
It was pretty exciting.
We tracted all morning, which was good and we found a girl for them.
The sisters came up with us and we had a good time.
The sisters in Northam are having all sorts of problems, so we’re trying to work with them and help them out.
Right now it’s interesting: the feelings that I’m trying to figure out.
I keep feeling the Spirit with the sisters and especially with Sister Edmonds.
And when I do, I think that Satan is messing with my mind and trying to make me be distracted from the work.
I think I’m going to have to do something about it.
I really don’t want to get the Spirit mixed up.
Like when he tells me that something she says is true, I don’t want to mistake it for thinking, “Oh, I need to marry her.”
If I need to, I’ll find out when we both get off our mission.
Right now I must keep my mind on my mission.
Thursday, 1 February 1990:
Boy, a lot of things have transpired since the 25th: I guess an update on Sister Edmonds.
Yesterday I finally resolved how much I really do love her and I had to come to grips with that fact.
Me and Elder Ferguson sat and talked for ages about it in the car.
And then I finally decided that I needed to go to the president and let him know.
So, Elder Ferguson went in first (up at his house), then I went in.
He decided that we should just leave it sit for a while and see how it goes.
Today I really felt a lot better about the problem, because I felt Heavenly Father really helped me to just keep my mind on my mission and keep Sister Edmonds out of my mind.
It was really good.
I really felt blessed.
When I saw her and stuff, my feeling did go all haywire, so it was good.
Right now Elder Ferguson is talking to a Sister and sounds like some big problems in the zone.
Pretty wierd.
Who knows what?
I guess I’ll find out later.
Today we went up to Northam and York.
It is always really neat to get into the country.
I really enjoy it.
Being a zone leader is crazy.
Friday, 8 February 1990:
Well, it’s been a few days and a lot has transpired since then.
I guess all of the regular zone types of things have been happening.
Last week we had a lot of different problems happen all around the place.
One sister with psycho problems telling lies to everyone about herself and a certain elder doing things.
Needless to say, she’s going home early on a medical discharge.
As far as myself goes, lots has happened.
Update on the Sister Edmonds story:
I admitted that I love her very much and, well, like you read, went to president.
After that everything was fine and well and not much going on.
The only thing is that today we went down to the sisters’ flat and tried to help them solve a few difficulties
and found out (and I guess I could already tell) that Sister Edmonds has some feelings for me.
And she (we found out from her companion) even talks about me and how much she likes me.
Now, if this isn’t a problem, I don’t know what is.
So, anyway, we decided that we would ask the assistants (President — was busy with President Rudd).
They said, “Don’t worry about it.”
I guess they have a lot of trust for me or something.
Basically Elder Barney[?] said, “two good missionaries falling in love.”
So, who knows? it’s not at all like I’m going to go off with her and do something.
I think that all will be all right.
We are just going to cut down on the contact with her.
Elder Ferguson will always correlate with her so that won’t be a problem there.
But basically I am just going to really watch myself around her and never get into any wrong situations.
Otherwise all is going relatively well.
We’ll see what the future has in store (later).
Wednesday, 14 February 1990:
Well, you get that Spirit mixed up and you’re dead meat.
I was almost dead meat.
On Monday night I finally decided that I really needed an answer to all my problems.
So with a simple faith I started to pray before I went to bed.
I started explaining the problem and then a few solutions that I thought might work.
As I was praying I felt no sense of peace at all.
I was very confused, but I got a stong impression that I needed to look at an Ensign and a picture of Christ with his apostles came to mind.
So I started looking for it in the Ensigns in the flat here and didn’t find it.
But one of them stuck out in particular.
It was the April 1989 edition and the picture in it was of the current Apostles.
I looked at it and on the front was a story that said, “Answers from the Spirit……p. 20.”
So I looked at page 20 and read the story.
It started to help me understand my feelings, but not until Tuesday morning.
We (me and Elder Ferguson) went to the sisters’ for a minute before we went to correlate with Bassendean.
We gave Sister Edmonds a blessing.
I sealed it and pronounced the blessing, and it wasn’t a normal blessing.
I didn’t receive the Spirit to say anything.
Well, after that we left, then thought, “Wait! We should find out from Sister Kennedy what she knows about the problem.”
So we went back and Elder Ferguson talked with her.
He learned a few things, then he went and talked with Sister Edmonds and learned some more.
While Sister Edmonds was talking with Elder Ferguson, Sister [Belinda Lee] Kennedy [Bosse (md a mis)]taught me some very important things
AND I feel saved my life from much heart-ache and pain.
She said, “When I meet my eternal companion, I’m going to feel like, ‘Wow, finally the one!’ or like the time I got my mission call.
Remember how great you felt to learn that that’s where your going.”
That’s not exactly what she said, but close.
I finally made up my mind and it was hard to admit, but the adversary had really worked on me and gave me feelings that almost ruined my life.
The Spirit whispers peace to the heart and mind: I had neither.
I let my desires get in the way and then rationalized: “I fell in love and it wasn’t the mixing up of the Spirit.”
Anyway, all is back to normal, or should I say, “forward to normal”?
I thank God with all my heart that he loved me enough to answer my prayer and send some people to be with me to straighten me out and put me on the right track.
I feel a lot better about myself now I don’t have this thing on my mind anymore.
But I was deceived by Satan and God helped me through (and some others), so now I’m not anymore.
How much gratitude I have for a loving Heavenly Father, who cares for each one of us!
I know He lives and have a perfect knowledge that He answers prayers.
Thanks, Heavenly Father.
I’m me again!
